田口ランディ『できればムカつかずに生きたい』

■For the first time I read a book written by Randy Taguchi. I found it as the latest arriving books in the library at five-minutes train ride from my house. The title of the book is I’d like to live without being annoyed, if I could. Randy Taguchi is one of the most popular essayists nowadays. She made her debut by the novel which writes about her own family. Her elder brother suffered from severe neurotic disease, was the source of domestic violence and finally killed himself. Her father is an alcohol abuse deep-sea fisherman who was always away from her house for fishing when she was a girl. After her elder brother killed himself, Ms. Taguchi became pregnant. Her new born baby became consolation for Ms. Taguchi’s mother because the baby was the first grand child for her mother and brought the first peaceful period in her life which was distorted by violent husband (Ms. Taguchi’s alcoholic father) and violent son (Ms. Taguchi’s elder brother). Ms. Taguchi’s essays are a kind of lamp of hope in the desparation. I like the mixture of pessimism and optimism of her essays. But her style is not elegant and not so sophisticated.
田口ランディの本を初めて読んだ。図書館の新着図書になっているのを偶然見つけた新潮文庫『できればムカつかずに生きたい』だ。彼女の小説は立ち読みした限りでうんざりするほど暗かったので敬遠していたのだが、このエッセーで兄のひきこもりと家庭内暴力、自殺が実話だと知った。そして酒乱の父と兄の心の病のために悲惨な状態にあった家族が、兄の自殺の直後の著者自身の妊娠、出産。生まれた初孫にひとときの平穏な生活を享受した母親が役目を終えたとでも言うように半年後に世を去り、後に残され、離れ離れに暮らす父と娘。彼女の家庭が今では癒されている様子が絶望の中の光とでも表現したい彼女のエッセーからわずかに輝き出ている。文体や表現の洗練はないが、心にぐっとくるエッセー集ではある。